Have We Completely Messed Them Up Yet?

Becoming a parent, I believe, can rock the foundation of even the most confident of people. I remember leaving the hospital with L, my husband and I pondered that the only instructions we really received were "Don't shake the baby" and "This is how you put them in the car seat." Since I am a person predisposed to ridiculous anxiety and well versed in the unending game of "What If" I felt maybe more training should be required, or at least recommended.

There is so much potential in brand new people. I choose the worst possible way to deal with my questions and anxieties, I google things. Shockingly, the results are rarely accurate or curtail my anxieties. Often, it provides entirely new subject matters for me to worry about, and subsequently google.  Its a vicious and repetitious cycle. I remember being at my niece's fourth birthday, my brother in law made a fairly dark comment that somehow made me feel both better and worse. He commented that his daughter was old enough that she might start to remember things long term. Prior to this, he mused, she wouldn't even remember her parents if she was kidnapped or something happened to them. Dark, eh? All that time and effort you put in, countless sleepless nights and you wouldn't even be a memory if something happened. Yikes. At the same time, all that bumbling about will be forgotten!

Turns out, with Google, in addition to increasing your child's odds of needing long term psychotherapy, you can also increase your own.  Whether it be potty training, sleep training, food, day care, discipline styles, there are all sorts of ways to damage your children. If you turn to the internets, it doesn't matter which avenue you choose, they are all fundamentally wrong and harmful.

I've had a hard time with the day care/working mom situation. I had a predominantly stay at home mom, as did my husband. The efforts of balancing work and family were not really something I thought too much about prior to actually needing to confront them. I know I would be a horrible stay at home mom. I need structure and tasks that can be checked off a list. I need to see adults. It never really occurred to me I would stay at home. It also never occurred to me I would have a child literally cling to my neck sobbing as the daycare folks gently tried to disentangle her. I often feel torn and guilty, but I really think they are receiving better care and a wider variety of experiences than if I was keeping them at home. But you never know, What If..

As we trudged through our bedtime routine the other night, L was insistent she finish her "work." From the other room, I'm sure I sighed loudly, and walked out into the hall to see what this important project was. L & M had set up their own Office in the hallway, complete with a laptop and desk decorating fox toy. M had her baby in her lap and L was pointing things out to her on her laptop. I'm probably stretching here, but it made me feel a bit better. Maybe I'm modeling something they can improve upon with their kids. Maybe, just maybe, me working isn't going to be my major mistake, it will probably be food, but maybe I'm doing something kinda of right.

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Eh, It was Alright

As the weather cools off, then gets blazing hot, it becomes possible to enjoy the outdoors again. St. Louis has its issues, as any city does, but it has some amazing qualities and attractions too. If, for example, you wanted to exhaust your small children so there might be a faint possibility of them sleeping in on the weekend, it is easily accomplished. We attempted this over the weekend, with moderate success, 50% of the time.

L has started soccer, so our Saturdays now must involve a soccer game at some point. This weekend it was mid-day. L & M woke up bright and early around 7am because it was Saturday and not Monday-Friday when they sleep like little logs. They deemed it to be a waffle morning, so M and I headed down to start breakfast. There are few things in this world better than an agreeable 2 and 4 year old.

M cracked the egg for the waffles herself, significantly increasing the amount of calcium and crunch in our waffles...

L and Dad came down a bit later and started on the eggs and bacon. L filled up on eggs and waffles so she would have the energy her muscles needed to play in her game. For someone that spends a fair amount of the game literally twirling round the field, she takes her pregame nutrition very seriously. (I LOVE her game twirling, I'm not being critical at all, it is adorable). After breakfast we headed out for our day.

The soccer game was first and L did amazingly well. To quote her coach, "L actually RAN today!" She needs time to take it all in, by the end of the season, she'll be in the herd with the rest of the kids, maybe. We left the game and headed to a neighborhood festival to grab some lunch and check out the festivities. There were a lot of festivities and awesome (free) crafts. Unfortunately, between the game and the early wake up, L passed out pretty quick.

L was out cold for lunch, she was none too pleased with us when we woke her up.

We ended up at a veggie/vegan restaurant, which is a little outside our normal dining fare but we were hungry so, eat or starve. They had a kids menu, it had nuggets on it, Moose was thrilled. We decided not to inform her they were cauliflower nuggets, maybe she wouldn't notice? Turns out she didn't, that kid loves cauliflower nuggets. Half of me was thrilled she was eating a vegetable, and the other half realized she'd just discovered a lower calorie, lower fat, lower protein alternative to one of three foods she will eat. I tried to celebrate the first half.

We finally woke L up so she could eat. We figured she would be fine with the nuggets, if M ate them surely L would be ok with it. Not a chance. She didn't want the nuggets, she didn't want tater tots she didn't want anything, maybe to go back to sleep. But, since we had awakened her, there was no chance of that.

We finished out our day with a St Louis FC game. It was the last home game of the season so there were fireworks afterwards. With cousins and other kids there it was a pretty awesome way to end our day. As we were loading the girls into the car that night, I asked L if she had enjoyed her day. Her response, "Eh, it was alright. What can we do tomorrow?" The bar has been raised...

Intestinal Fortitude

There's that saying, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." I'm sure that is meant to inspire you to be tough, to work though it, to persevere despite the odds. It just makes me tired; maybe when the going gets tough, its because you are going the wrong way.

I resolved last week would be a better week, we would cook at home more and we would all get back on track. I even went grocery shopping with a list and a plan on Sunday. Based on last Sunday's post, that dinner did not go well, but we are tough, we will keep going! Monday night's dinner involved less brussel sprouts and more chicken and carrots. Chicken and carrots are benign enough, right? Nope.

Toddlers can be cruel little people, they have all the same insults and impulses as adults with none of the filters. M sat on the kitchen floor Monday night telling me that the dinner I was in the process of cooking was "yucky," "gross," and "I no eat it," for about 45 minutes. I'm not super sensitive when it comes to my cooking, some recipes work, some don't. There have been several times that I've made something and only received compliments on the lone store bought item on the table. It happens, its fine, its why I have a "Never Make This Again" board on Pinterest and in my cabinet. I have no idea how people on shows like Bar Rescue keep going to work day after day, only to have what they do insulted by just about everyone. They apparently have the intestinal fortitude I lack.

If I had Photoshop she would have an adorable crown and tiny scepter in her had so she could dress her part of Tiny Tyrant.

Defeated, but full because dinner was actually quite good, I text a good friend to say I was throwing in the towel; no more Eat or Starve. If my kids wanted to eat peanut butter sandwiches (smooth not crunchy on Hawaiian bread) and pizza for the rest of their lives then so be it. She kindly pointed out, as good friends do, that listening to and acquiescing to the demands of a toddler is a poor choice.  Those tiny tyrants are given parents for a reason. She also reminded me that L is doing really well, she's trying new foods and, on the rarest of occasions, she's even admitting to enjoying them.

She's right; she almost always is. We will keep going, we will also be eating pizza tonight, but we are making the pizza at home, baby steps.

A Resounding Vote for "Starve"

We've fallen off the wagon a bit, or completely really. With just about everyone being under the weather, the thought of arguing about eating with two kids was entirely too overwhelming. We are all feeling better, thank you amoxicillin and sleep. I decided to celebrate with a new recipe and a renewed energy for Eat or Starve. 

Most Pinterest recipes are pretty good. There is almost always room for tweaking which I appreciate. Tonight's adventure was Chicken, Apple, Sweet Potato, Brussels Sprout Skillet. Its fall, what could be better? We have been attempting to eat less meat in our house and, given this recipe also called for bacon, I figured it was a good time to try some veggie chicken. Bacon covers a multitude of taste sins. I am aware that I am completely missing the point by doing this.

Recipe from www.wellplated.com, they have better pictures too.

M didn't even wait for me to put the meal on plates before announcing, "No! Not that! I no eat that!" L was a bit more reserved but obviously skeptical. I was with them. I giant bowl of mac and cheese sounded significantly better to me than this veggie laden fake chicken creation. However, you must never admit defeat so we soldiered on to the dinner table. L sat down and tried some potato (actually apple) and carrot (actually sweet potato). She agreed that it wasn't horrible, but she didn't really want to eat any more of it. I asked her to try some chicken. She agreed, with the condition she could switch to mac and cheese afterward. We settled on one piece of chicken and two more bites of veggies. L bit into the "chicken" and gave us a "What exactly are you trying to pull here?" look, but she finished it and moved on to mac and cheese. M was not so agreeable.

This was never going to happen, actual tears were shed. M ate a peanut butter sammich, yogurt and strawberries. Not a bad dinner for her. I'm not really sure if we lost the battle to win the war or if we are just losing both the battle and the war. I do know that it is not a question that will be answered on Sunday night.

Tomorrow night: Balsamic Chicken with Roasted Vegetables. We will be using real chicken. I'm sure we will have left overs on small colorful plastic plates if anyone wants to join us.

All We Need Is Love & Tylenol

M is still under the weather. She is just sick enough to feel great as long as the Tylenol is working. I wonder if they make a toddler version of some type of extended release medication, a Tylenol XR. I need to investigate this, possibly invent it.

I had to fill out some forms a few days ago that required me to count the number of years I had been in school. Turns out it is 18; my education level is allowed to vote and buy cigarettes. I guess if you count kindergarten and preschool I might as well go back for one more year so my diploma can order a beer. My student loans make so much more sense now..

I'm getting off topic. My degrees are in what I refer to as warm and fuzzy things, psychology and social work. This is completely unfair of me, there is a lot of science and research in these fields. My psych degree took a surprising amount of science and anatomy classes. But, its not degrees in something like architecture or engineering. Those are not warm or fuzzy subjects, those are concrete situations, no pun intended. You fake those and your buildings fall down, your bridges do a sine wave, which will make you famous, but not for the right reasons. Check out the YouTube videos of the Tacoma Bridge collapse, its awesome that a bridge can move like that, but only if it is designed to, significantly less exciting if its by accident then collapses.

I tend to forget that I have spent a lot of time in classrooms delving into some pretty specific things. I normally assume that if I know something, its probably common knowledge. I'm reminded every so often that my assumptions are not accurate. I've also learned that my brain is a unique place to live, thanks Myers-Briggs.

I was watching M flop around on the bed today, trying to get comfy and find a less achy position. I found myself softening as I watched her little self fidget and wiggle. I asked her to come sit with me. She crawled over and snuggled in immediately. It reminded me of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, as humans, we have some basic needs that must be met before we can worry about other stuff. Our physical needs (food, water, etc) need to be met before we worry about our safety. Once we are fed and safe, we start to think about relationships, how we fit in with others, how we view ourselves and so on. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it and if I explained it better. This is why we have Google.

M self snuggled while I changed so we could run to Target for diapers. Speaking of, there should be a drive thru diaper store, maybe one that sells Tylenol XR.

M snuggled in, she had her Tylenol, her mommy, and a belly full of chicken nuggets. Her physiological needs and her needs for safety were met, she felt loved. She was set as far as a toddler goes but it made me ponder how much nicer the world would be if we all looked for ways to help each other feel a bit more secure. High fives are totally not cool, but maybe a little more proverbial high fives and bit less climb over anyone who can help you get to the top the fastest. Or, I'm just sleep deprived and have been in the house with a feverish toddler for a few too many hours.