All We Need Is Love & Tylenol

M is still under the weather. She is just sick enough to feel great as long as the Tylenol is working. I wonder if they make a toddler version of some type of extended release medication, a Tylenol XR. I need to investigate this, possibly invent it.

I had to fill out some forms a few days ago that required me to count the number of years I had been in school. Turns out it is 18; my education level is allowed to vote and buy cigarettes. I guess if you count kindergarten and preschool I might as well go back for one more year so my diploma can order a beer. My student loans make so much more sense now..

I'm getting off topic. My degrees are in what I refer to as warm and fuzzy things, psychology and social work. This is completely unfair of me, there is a lot of science and research in these fields. My psych degree took a surprising amount of science and anatomy classes. But, its not degrees in something like architecture or engineering. Those are not warm or fuzzy subjects, those are concrete situations, no pun intended. You fake those and your buildings fall down, your bridges do a sine wave, which will make you famous, but not for the right reasons. Check out the YouTube videos of the Tacoma Bridge collapse, its awesome that a bridge can move like that, but only if it is designed to, significantly less exciting if its by accident then collapses.

I tend to forget that I have spent a lot of time in classrooms delving into some pretty specific things. I normally assume that if I know something, its probably common knowledge. I'm reminded every so often that my assumptions are not accurate. I've also learned that my brain is a unique place to live, thanks Myers-Briggs.

I was watching M flop around on the bed today, trying to get comfy and find a less achy position. I found myself softening as I watched her little self fidget and wiggle. I asked her to come sit with me. She crawled over and snuggled in immediately. It reminded me of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, as humans, we have some basic needs that must be met before we can worry about other stuff. Our physical needs (food, water, etc) need to be met before we worry about our safety. Once we are fed and safe, we start to think about relationships, how we fit in with others, how we view ourselves and so on. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it and if I explained it better. This is why we have Google.

M self snuggled while I changed so we could run to Target for diapers. Speaking of, there should be a drive thru diaper store, maybe one that sells Tylenol XR.

M snuggled in, she had her Tylenol, her mommy, and a belly full of chicken nuggets. Her physiological needs and her needs for safety were met, she felt loved. She was set as far as a toddler goes but it made me ponder how much nicer the world would be if we all looked for ways to help each other feel a bit more secure. High fives are totally not cool, but maybe a little more proverbial high fives and bit less climb over anyone who can help you get to the top the fastest. Or, I'm just sleep deprived and have been in the house with a feverish toddler for a few too many hours.

Completely Off Subject

This has nothing to do with food or whether or not someone is eating it. This is about unbridled, unrelenting, unsubstantiated anxiety. M starts "school" tomorrow. We've been super blessed, in the truest sense of the word not in a #Blessed sort of way, to have a wonderful lady take care of our family's kids. Its been strictly cousins and siblings up to this point. Tomorrow M branches out. She is the youngest of the herd and the family day care has run its course. It is time for new things.

I don't really do new things. I enjoy adventures; adventures that are planned out, trained for, researched, practiced, etc. Scuba is a good example. I love to dive; I feel truly relaxed underwater. I got my initial certification then my advanced certification, I've been lucky enough to go on some incredible adventures, diving with bull sharks, giant grouper, octopus, barracuda, huge tarpon etc. But I know the risks, I feel confident in my ability and the ability of those I choose to dive with, to handle any crazy situation(s) that might arise. It might be a false confidence, but I'll take it.

This guy (or gal) swam with us for most of our 50 minute dive on the most incredible dive in Little Cayman. Check out the Grouper Moon Project, www.reef.org/groupermoonproject for some simply awesome info. We were able to witness the Nassau Grouper returning from their annual migration. AMAZING

There's no training, classes or instructional kits for choosing the place/people that take care of your kids. You make the choice based on other people's experiences, gut feelings and finances. I know I have confidence in our choice. I know this because I know other people that have chosen the same place; these are some of the most selective people I know, they have higher standards for things than I do. These folks have clean homes, they have socks that match, they have older well-adjusted, kind children etc. These are all things I strive for. I know this is the right choice.

I feel like the situation is out of control, because I am not in control. The things M will experience there are out of my control:  will she eat?, will she share?, will she be kind?, will other kids share?, will other kids be kind?, will the teacher notice if something is wrong? I can't control any of this. If I'm honest, I can't control it even if I'm there watching her, she and the other kids are their own little people, they make their own choices. But this feels different.

L is in preschool again this year. I had similar anxieties about her going to preschool last year, but not as pronounced. L was a year older when she stepped out of our little nest, her language skills were more developed, she was potty trained etc, but mostly, she is L. L has always been her father's daughter. Even when she was tiny I joked that she only let me hold her because she was hungry and she needed me for food. I was the wire monkey, my husband was the warm, soft cloth monkey (google Harry F Harlow's wire vs cloth monkey experiment if I've lost you). L has never really acted like she needs me. She is a wonderfully confident, shy, but determined little girl that will be a force of nature if she wants to be.

M is different. She is a snuggler through and through. She has crazy separation anxiety, she is a mommy's girl, she has needed me in a way that I've never been needed before. She loved, demanded and required to be held, she still does. This doesn't reach medically significant levels, there is nothing wrong with her, but it makes me worry about her in ways I've always felt confident in L. Plus, she still feels so little and, I'm 100% sure this is a large contributing factor, she's our youngest.

Today was Meet the Teacher day. M didn't want to leave. She's totally enamored with the classroom, the toys, the BOOKS, the rice table and the other kids. M discovered there's a playground just outside, she is in two year old heaven on earth. The teachers are amazing. M cried when we left because she wanted to stay and continue exploring. I KNOW we've made the right choice, I just with my heart and my head communicated a bit better.