All We Need Is Love & Tylenol

M is still under the weather. She is just sick enough to feel great as long as the Tylenol is working. I wonder if they make a toddler version of some type of extended release medication, a Tylenol XR. I need to investigate this, possibly invent it.

I had to fill out some forms a few days ago that required me to count the number of years I had been in school. Turns out it is 18; my education level is allowed to vote and buy cigarettes. I guess if you count kindergarten and preschool I might as well go back for one more year so my diploma can order a beer. My student loans make so much more sense now..

I'm getting off topic. My degrees are in what I refer to as warm and fuzzy things, psychology and social work. This is completely unfair of me, there is a lot of science and research in these fields. My psych degree took a surprising amount of science and anatomy classes. But, its not degrees in something like architecture or engineering. Those are not warm or fuzzy subjects, those are concrete situations, no pun intended. You fake those and your buildings fall down, your bridges do a sine wave, which will make you famous, but not for the right reasons. Check out the YouTube videos of the Tacoma Bridge collapse, its awesome that a bridge can move like that, but only if it is designed to, significantly less exciting if its by accident then collapses.

I tend to forget that I have spent a lot of time in classrooms delving into some pretty specific things. I normally assume that if I know something, its probably common knowledge. I'm reminded every so often that my assumptions are not accurate. I've also learned that my brain is a unique place to live, thanks Myers-Briggs.

I was watching M flop around on the bed today, trying to get comfy and find a less achy position. I found myself softening as I watched her little self fidget and wiggle. I asked her to come sit with me. She crawled over and snuggled in immediately. It reminded me of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, as humans, we have some basic needs that must be met before we can worry about other stuff. Our physical needs (food, water, etc) need to be met before we worry about our safety. Once we are fed and safe, we start to think about relationships, how we fit in with others, how we view ourselves and so on. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it and if I explained it better. This is why we have Google.

M self snuggled while I changed so we could run to Target for diapers. Speaking of, there should be a drive thru diaper store, maybe one that sells Tylenol XR.

M snuggled in, she had her Tylenol, her mommy, and a belly full of chicken nuggets. Her physiological needs and her needs for safety were met, she felt loved. She was set as far as a toddler goes but it made me ponder how much nicer the world would be if we all looked for ways to help each other feel a bit more secure. High fives are totally not cool, but maybe a little more proverbial high fives and bit less climb over anyone who can help you get to the top the fastest. Or, I'm just sleep deprived and have been in the house with a feverish toddler for a few too many hours.

Karma Re-Balancing

M goes to the same daycare/preschool as one of her cousins. As we were marveling (out loud) at how enamored she is with the new place, how easily she had taken to the new routine, we heard the opposite reaction from her cousin. Maybe M could meet up with said cousin before drop off? Of course, we just invited a great karma re-balancing by bragging on our kid, M wouldbe happy to help.

Today M woke up grouchy. To be fair, we woke M up from a deep sleep. We had been out celebrating the birthday of a great grandmother the night before and our routine was off. She was out cold, we dressed her before she had any idea what was coming. M was not in the mood today, for anything. Would you like yogurt? NO! Would you like toast with peanut butter? NO! I WANT YOGURT! Ok... NO YOGURT! You know, toddler stuff, the entire morning.

At drop off my husband obviously ran into M's cousin, who was handling drop off like a little champ (because re-balancing). Because I married into good people, my brother in law didn't make the sarcastic quips I would have "Oh, YEAH, M loves daycare..." Instead we got a thoughtful email about an hour later reassuring us the M had settled down after my husband left and was happily playing with some toys.

Hopefully the rest of the day went a bit better for everyone involved. L had her first full day of PreSchool, I would say I'm sure it went well, but I've learned my lesson for the day. We will what shape we are in after I pick everyone up. I'm not expecting much, so maybe the universe will reward us with spectacular days and full meals eaten. There's nothing to make a toddler mood worse than choosing Starve on an already tired, grumpy day.

L had a great morning. She was super excited to begin violin lessons today. This is her perfected Why-Is-My-Sister-Acting-Like-This face. I'm grateful they generally take turns having rough days.

Completely Off Subject

This has nothing to do with food or whether or not someone is eating it. This is about unbridled, unrelenting, unsubstantiated anxiety. M starts "school" tomorrow. We've been super blessed, in the truest sense of the word not in a #Blessed sort of way, to have a wonderful lady take care of our family's kids. Its been strictly cousins and siblings up to this point. Tomorrow M branches out. She is the youngest of the herd and the family day care has run its course. It is time for new things.

I don't really do new things. I enjoy adventures; adventures that are planned out, trained for, researched, practiced, etc. Scuba is a good example. I love to dive; I feel truly relaxed underwater. I got my initial certification then my advanced certification, I've been lucky enough to go on some incredible adventures, diving with bull sharks, giant grouper, octopus, barracuda, huge tarpon etc. But I know the risks, I feel confident in my ability and the ability of those I choose to dive with, to handle any crazy situation(s) that might arise. It might be a false confidence, but I'll take it.

This guy (or gal) swam with us for most of our 50 minute dive on the most incredible dive in Little Cayman. Check out the Grouper Moon Project, www.reef.org/groupermoonproject for some simply awesome info. We were able to witness the Nassau Grouper returning from their annual migration. AMAZING

There's no training, classes or instructional kits for choosing the place/people that take care of your kids. You make the choice based on other people's experiences, gut feelings and finances. I know I have confidence in our choice. I know this because I know other people that have chosen the same place; these are some of the most selective people I know, they have higher standards for things than I do. These folks have clean homes, they have socks that match, they have older well-adjusted, kind children etc. These are all things I strive for. I know this is the right choice.

I feel like the situation is out of control, because I am not in control. The things M will experience there are out of my control:  will she eat?, will she share?, will she be kind?, will other kids share?, will other kids be kind?, will the teacher notice if something is wrong? I can't control any of this. If I'm honest, I can't control it even if I'm there watching her, she and the other kids are their own little people, they make their own choices. But this feels different.

L is in preschool again this year. I had similar anxieties about her going to preschool last year, but not as pronounced. L was a year older when she stepped out of our little nest, her language skills were more developed, she was potty trained etc, but mostly, she is L. L has always been her father's daughter. Even when she was tiny I joked that she only let me hold her because she was hungry and she needed me for food. I was the wire monkey, my husband was the warm, soft cloth monkey (google Harry F Harlow's wire vs cloth monkey experiment if I've lost you). L has never really acted like she needs me. She is a wonderfully confident, shy, but determined little girl that will be a force of nature if she wants to be.

M is different. She is a snuggler through and through. She has crazy separation anxiety, she is a mommy's girl, she has needed me in a way that I've never been needed before. She loved, demanded and required to be held, she still does. This doesn't reach medically significant levels, there is nothing wrong with her, but it makes me worry about her in ways I've always felt confident in L. Plus, she still feels so little and, I'm 100% sure this is a large contributing factor, she's our youngest.

Today was Meet the Teacher day. M didn't want to leave. She's totally enamored with the classroom, the toys, the BOOKS, the rice table and the other kids. M discovered there's a playground just outside, she is in two year old heaven on earth. The teachers are amazing. M cried when we left because she wanted to stay and continue exploring. I KNOW we've made the right choice, I just with my heart and my head communicated a bit better.

Suspicious Little Pigeons

I majored in psychology in college. One of my classes, sort of affectionately nicknamed Pigeon Lab, met each week to put pigeons into Skinner Boxes (side note, these are named for B.F. Skinner, a psychologist and behaviorist that developed the idea of operant conditioning). The boxes are programed to reward our little feathered friends for doing certain tasks, aka pecking the red light instead of the green light, so they could be rewarded with a pellet of what must be incredibly delicious pigeon food. Turns out these birds are really smart. Skinner trained a few to play ping pong using these techniques, you can check it out on the Smithsonian's website, really.

One of the most difficult behaviors to stop is a behavior that has been reinforced randomly. If every time the pigeon pecked a green button it received food it would just keep pecking away.  But, if you stop rewarding that behavior, it will eventually stop pecking the green button. However, if sometimes you give the pigeon food, and sometimes you don't, the poor little guys will just keep pecking at that little button because they just never know if a delicious pellet will appear.

I think we are creating little suspicious pigeons at our house. We try to be consistent with our plan, but it is hard. M is pretty regularly choosing Starve. She's not losing weight, she has plenty of food to eat, she just chooses not to do so. I think she had pizza all three meals yesterday because neither of us could argue any more. She woke up begging for "cold pep-a-poni pizza" for breakfast, she's basically ready for college. I know its bad in the long run, but it brings such a ridiculous amount of joy to my heart to see that kid eat.

Sunshine & Oxygen

It seems, if you have more than one child, you have an "easy" child that just kind of fits into the existing rhythm and flow of your life, and a "trying" or "difficult" child that is completely counter to everything in your world. Neither is better than the other, its just that one is easier while the other makes you question your sanity.

We had our "easy" child first. L was the kind of baby that made you wonder why people claimed having kids was hard. The pediatrician actually had to tell us to wake her up every 4-5 hours to make sure she was eating at night. We set an alarm to wake up and feed our sleeping infant, we were THOSE people. By 5 months our little rock star was sleeping 14 hours a night. On weekends we had breakfast in bed and lounged around until 11am or so when she woke up, happy. We concluded, obviously, we were simply gifted and amazing parents. Logically, we added a second child a mere 20 months after L.

L was not impressed with the new edition to the family. That look remained on her face until M was about 9 months old and, can still be seen on a fairly regular basis.

If L was our easy baby, M definitely balanced out our baby karma. She was happy and delightful, but she refused to sleep or eat with any sort of consistency. She preferred to be held, at all times and with both hands, and she had horrible re-flux so she always smelled vaguely of sour milk. (To be fair, the smell might have been mostly in my head). I'm guessing all of these went together in a nice little cause and effect package, but we never got far enough into it to figure it out. She was not especially comforted by food or nursing, she wanted her people; if you ever wanted to just sit an snuggle a baby, M was your kid. She still is, her happiness comes from being in very very close proximity to the people she loves the most, and from terrorizing her sister. 

As she grew, she didn't gain a lot of weight. The pediatrician would double check her weight, ask what exactly she was eating, how often etc. I remember at one point, feeling rather beaten and exasperated, I proclaimed she was surviving off "Sunshine and Oxygen." He chuckled, probably because he didn't realize I was being fairly serious.

Side note:  some guy in India swears he lived of nothing other than water and sunshine for 11 years. Its on the internet, it must be true; apparently NASA studied him in 2003? Maybe M was a Sun Gazer or Sun Eater in a former life?

M, soaking in her daily dose of Sunshine and Oxygen, while simultaneously irritating her older sister. She's a multitask-er.