Completely Off Subject

This has nothing to do with food or whether or not someone is eating it. This is about unbridled, unrelenting, unsubstantiated anxiety. M starts "school" tomorrow. We've been super blessed, in the truest sense of the word not in a #Blessed sort of way, to have a wonderful lady take care of our family's kids. Its been strictly cousins and siblings up to this point. Tomorrow M branches out. She is the youngest of the herd and the family day care has run its course. It is time for new things.

I don't really do new things. I enjoy adventures; adventures that are planned out, trained for, researched, practiced, etc. Scuba is a good example. I love to dive; I feel truly relaxed underwater. I got my initial certification then my advanced certification, I've been lucky enough to go on some incredible adventures, diving with bull sharks, giant grouper, octopus, barracuda, huge tarpon etc. But I know the risks, I feel confident in my ability and the ability of those I choose to dive with, to handle any crazy situation(s) that might arise. It might be a false confidence, but I'll take it.

This guy (or gal) swam with us for most of our 50 minute dive on the most incredible dive in Little Cayman. Check out the Grouper Moon Project, www.reef.org/groupermoonproject for some simply awesome info. We were able to witness the Nassau Grouper returning from their annual migration. AMAZING

There's no training, classes or instructional kits for choosing the place/people that take care of your kids. You make the choice based on other people's experiences, gut feelings and finances. I know I have confidence in our choice. I know this because I know other people that have chosen the same place; these are some of the most selective people I know, they have higher standards for things than I do. These folks have clean homes, they have socks that match, they have older well-adjusted, kind children etc. These are all things I strive for. I know this is the right choice.

I feel like the situation is out of control, because I am not in control. The things M will experience there are out of my control:  will she eat?, will she share?, will she be kind?, will other kids share?, will other kids be kind?, will the teacher notice if something is wrong? I can't control any of this. If I'm honest, I can't control it even if I'm there watching her, she and the other kids are their own little people, they make their own choices. But this feels different.

L is in preschool again this year. I had similar anxieties about her going to preschool last year, but not as pronounced. L was a year older when she stepped out of our little nest, her language skills were more developed, she was potty trained etc, but mostly, she is L. L has always been her father's daughter. Even when she was tiny I joked that she only let me hold her because she was hungry and she needed me for food. I was the wire monkey, my husband was the warm, soft cloth monkey (google Harry F Harlow's wire vs cloth monkey experiment if I've lost you). L has never really acted like she needs me. She is a wonderfully confident, shy, but determined little girl that will be a force of nature if she wants to be.

M is different. She is a snuggler through and through. She has crazy separation anxiety, she is a mommy's girl, she has needed me in a way that I've never been needed before. She loved, demanded and required to be held, she still does. This doesn't reach medically significant levels, there is nothing wrong with her, but it makes me worry about her in ways I've always felt confident in L. Plus, she still feels so little and, I'm 100% sure this is a large contributing factor, she's our youngest.

Today was Meet the Teacher day. M didn't want to leave. She's totally enamored with the classroom, the toys, the BOOKS, the rice table and the other kids. M discovered there's a playground just outside, she is in two year old heaven on earth. The teachers are amazing. M cried when we left because she wanted to stay and continue exploring. I KNOW we've made the right choice, I just with my heart and my head communicated a bit better.

Pinterest: Delusions vs Reality

At some point the Idealistic Mom portion of my brain felt like it would be a sound choice to turn to the internet for assistance in helping our girls broaden their eating horizons. Pinterest had come through in a number of Halloween costume pinches, why not for toddler approved recipes?

The helpful thoughts and suggestions found on Pinterest under the search "Picky Eaters, Kids" is a veritable heyday of the most outlandish and optimistic ideas for meals I've ever seen. Hint, if your kid will eat pizza made with a zucchini instead of crust, they aren't that picky. But, if you stick to it there are some really decent ideas.

The other night, after picking up the girls, we were headed home to start dinner. I was hungry and had found a Pinterest recipe that looked amazing, Cilantro Lime Chicken with Avocado Salsa. (Just in case you need it:  http://www.joyfulhealthyeats.com/cilantro-lime-chicken-with-avocado-salsa). I knew this would be good, but I wasn't sure how it would go over with the kids. We tried avocado for L & M's first food, neither of them were impressed.

These kids have minds like steel traps. They remember everything (no pressure) so I figured the avocado part was an absolute no-go. L and M sat down to eat their meals: cilantro lime chicken, avocado salsa, quinoa, apple slices and milk. They both just stared at it then at us. They began with the apple then L tried the quinoa and declared the "rice" to be good. She sounded shocked. Then, against all odds, she asked if we had any chips because she "needs chips to eat my avocados, did you know I love those?" She had the "its so obvious, why wouldn't you know that" tone so we just handed over tortilla chips and she ate every last bite. We watched in muted awe so we wouldn't cause the universe to unravel. Luckily M really wanted chips so she agreed to eat a piece of chicken in exchange for a chip, she made it though an entire chicken breast that way. L wasn't a fan of the chicken though she excitedly told us she would prefer to take it for lunch tomorrow, um...okay? She will eat avocados and leftovers, this is fantastic.

Disclaimers, Reassurances & Survival

I can be dramatic and speak in extremes. With my very dry humor, I can sometimes (read often), be misunderstood or taken very literally when I in no way mean exactly what I say. It's the whole "Say what you mean, mean what you say," idea. I very rarely follow this, in fact I follow this so rarely, that even when I'm serious, people often think I'm joking. It is a blessing and a curse depending on the day and the situation.

It has been mentioned by a few concerned people that starving our children is neither healthy nor safe. I feel like I should be very honest and clear, our children do not starve. If they are truly completely opposed to eating what we put in front of them, they get crackers, peanut butter and milk after we finish eating. We do make them wait until we are done because L will wait until the very last second before she trying her dinner. If we gave her the option she would live off crackers and peanut better rather than consider trying something new. It doesn't even matter how many times we sing Daniel Tiger's "You gotta try new foods cause they might be gooood, goooooooooooood!" song.

At the end of the day, we want the absolute best for them. Part of having the best is being able to branch out, try new things, know that you can try something, hate it, and still be a better person for it in the end. I'm getting pretty deep about the life long impact of eating peas.

As an aside, one of these concerned individuals was my father, the girl's grandfather. I feel it is worth pointing that as a former picky eater myself, I don't recall having custom made dinners made for me when I was younger and refusing to eat my fish sticks. I'm chalking this up to the difference between parenting and grand-parenting. Either way, our girls are incredibly blessed to have a multitude of people looking out for their well being. So, Eat or Starve*.

* By starve we mean experience a mild uncomfortable feeling of hunger while you refuse to eat the food sitting in front of you and instead wait for graham crackers and peanut butter. **

** This version is not nearly as catchy.  It is also very long and hard to remember.

Suspicious Little Pigeons

I majored in psychology in college. One of my classes, sort of affectionately nicknamed Pigeon Lab, met each week to put pigeons into Skinner Boxes (side note, these are named for B.F. Skinner, a psychologist and behaviorist that developed the idea of operant conditioning). The boxes are programed to reward our little feathered friends for doing certain tasks, aka pecking the red light instead of the green light, so they could be rewarded with a pellet of what must be incredibly delicious pigeon food. Turns out these birds are really smart. Skinner trained a few to play ping pong using these techniques, you can check it out on the Smithsonian's website, really.

One of the most difficult behaviors to stop is a behavior that has been reinforced randomly. If every time the pigeon pecked a green button it received food it would just keep pecking away.  But, if you stop rewarding that behavior, it will eventually stop pecking the green button. However, if sometimes you give the pigeon food, and sometimes you don't, the poor little guys will just keep pecking at that little button because they just never know if a delicious pellet will appear.

I think we are creating little suspicious pigeons at our house. We try to be consistent with our plan, but it is hard. M is pretty regularly choosing Starve. She's not losing weight, she has plenty of food to eat, she just chooses not to do so. I think she had pizza all three meals yesterday because neither of us could argue any more. She woke up begging for "cold pep-a-poni pizza" for breakfast, she's basically ready for college. I know its bad in the long run, but it brings such a ridiculous amount of joy to my heart to see that kid eat.

Sunshine & Oxygen

It seems, if you have more than one child, you have an "easy" child that just kind of fits into the existing rhythm and flow of your life, and a "trying" or "difficult" child that is completely counter to everything in your world. Neither is better than the other, its just that one is easier while the other makes you question your sanity.

We had our "easy" child first. L was the kind of baby that made you wonder why people claimed having kids was hard. The pediatrician actually had to tell us to wake her up every 4-5 hours to make sure she was eating at night. We set an alarm to wake up and feed our sleeping infant, we were THOSE people. By 5 months our little rock star was sleeping 14 hours a night. On weekends we had breakfast in bed and lounged around until 11am or so when she woke up, happy. We concluded, obviously, we were simply gifted and amazing parents. Logically, we added a second child a mere 20 months after L.

L was not impressed with the new edition to the family. That look remained on her face until M was about 9 months old and, can still be seen on a fairly regular basis.

If L was our easy baby, M definitely balanced out our baby karma. She was happy and delightful, but she refused to sleep or eat with any sort of consistency. She preferred to be held, at all times and with both hands, and she had horrible re-flux so she always smelled vaguely of sour milk. (To be fair, the smell might have been mostly in my head). I'm guessing all of these went together in a nice little cause and effect package, but we never got far enough into it to figure it out. She was not especially comforted by food or nursing, she wanted her people; if you ever wanted to just sit an snuggle a baby, M was your kid. She still is, her happiness comes from being in very very close proximity to the people she loves the most, and from terrorizing her sister. 

As she grew, she didn't gain a lot of weight. The pediatrician would double check her weight, ask what exactly she was eating, how often etc. I remember at one point, feeling rather beaten and exasperated, I proclaimed she was surviving off "Sunshine and Oxygen." He chuckled, probably because he didn't realize I was being fairly serious.

Side note:  some guy in India swears he lived of nothing other than water and sunshine for 11 years. Its on the internet, it must be true; apparently NASA studied him in 2003? Maybe M was a Sun Gazer or Sun Eater in a former life?

M, soaking in her daily dose of Sunshine and Oxygen, while simultaneously irritating her older sister. She's a multitask-er.