Friendly Reminders of Failure

We were invited to spend a weekend with some friends a few weeks ago. They have a great house on a quiet lake. It is a phenomenal location that reminds me of a place that children create movie-esque childhood memories. I was excited to be invited out and very nervous. The husband is vegan and his kids are rock-star eaters. My kids are, well, I started a blog about how hard it is to get them to eat.

The house is set up for awesome childhood memories.

I asked if I could bring some staples with us, you know, just in case. They said they already had everything planned out, we would have mac and cheese and hot dogs. Both things very kid friendly, both things M will not eat. But, to quote them, "Hey, what happened to Eat or Starve??" Well, it turns out that Eat or Starve is pretty damn exhausting so we do what we can which, honestly is not enough.

Everything was great until dinner. We had some delicious sweet potato, corn, black bean tacos. They tasted great, to everyone but my kids. L is such a sweet kid, she will do just about anything if she really needs to. She ate her taco with only minor coercion. L is a master of picking the battles she can win. M is younger and significantly more steadfast in her assertions. At one point I looked around the room and we had four people actively working to get M to eat three small pieces of sweet potato. There were tears, bribing, threatening, begging and finally ultimatums. It was completely and utterly ridiculous. I'm not really sure what was gained in the end. I went to bed questioning my qualifications for being a mother.

The thing is, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure we are doing what's best for M, or L for that matter. I'm not even sure where to look for confirmation we are doing the right things. Choices that shouldn't be controversial suddenly are. It doesn't even matter what you choose there are articles just waiting to show you that you're not only wrong, but actively harming your kids. From food to bug spray to vaccines to schools, there seem to be no right answers. I'd say you have to just trust your gut, but I honestly think a lot of times, you have to trust the decision you can live with in that moment, the decision you have the energy to make.

M ate a few things over the weekend she would not normally eat but I'm not sure I consider it a victory. I don't want there to be tears and yelling at every meal. I don't want to make eating stressful. I worked for too many years in clinics that treated amazing women and men with eating disorders. I want food to be easy and enjoyable. But, I also want my girls to be healthy, to grow to take in what their bodies need for fuel. I don't trust 3 and 5 year olds to make the best food choices, hell, left to my own devises, I don't make the best choices. I guess it boils down to the perpetual parenting asperation, hope that your kids turn out just a bit better than you did.

M, looking contemplative. She was having an internal debate about whether or not she should listen when we told her to stop feeding the dog fish food.  

Funny People

Today's brief story comes from people way funnier than me. The photo is L and her second cousin at the 94th birthday party last weekend. The caption is by my cousin, pure genius I tell you. 

My cousin envisioned this being the end of this conversation:

     R:  Really?
     L:  Yes!.. I would not kid you about this.
     R:  Eat... or...
         < interrupting >
     L:  Starvvvvvve

Tomorrow is Friday so you know what that means, Panera magic is happening right now at my house. Maybe it has nothing to do with the booth and everything to do with the white bread and non-all natural peanut butter. Regardless, its a good night.

The High of Success, the Low of Status Quo

The girls' Aunt and Uncle offered to babysit the other night so we could have an evening out. Obviously we accepted. My sister-in-law bravely agreed to continue Eat or Starve at their house. After a quick pep talk in the car about being respectful, kind and trying new things, we dropped L & M off and ran for the car.

Before the movie began, my phone buzzed twice. I braced myself for the inevitable "The girls are sobbing," "They are hungry and they won't eat dinner," etc. text. Instead I was greeted with this:

Each picture came with a single word attached, "Before." This immediately lead me to believe a horrendous "After" photo was coming; maybe broken dishes, peaches in hair, ketchup on their lovely upholstered chairs, the possibilities were fairly endless. I nervously waited for the follow up text:

"And after!! I'm sure the fact that we're not Mom and Dad played a part in them eating so well. L even tried and likes the cooked peaches!" I sat in my movie theater, more in awe of the awesomeness that had just occurred a few miles away than I was of the previews in front of me. They ate it. L tried something new and admitted she liked it. She's fiercely confident in her opinions, if you catch her at the right time, she would deny she liked chocolate covered chocolate just a prove herself correct. I admire that about her, I think she got that from me. I couldn't help but think "It's really working, they are starting to eat like normal people; well normal people that really like ketchup." We settled in to watch our movie full of the confidence of someone that just solved a major world problem.

Fast forward to the next evening.  We were out at a neighborhood party, lots of friends and food. L did a fairly good job of eating fruit and mac & cheese, but that's not really a challenge for her. M, on the other hand, ate oranges and Doritos all night. That was it. With my sails deflated we soldier on, maybe the next victory will come sooner rather than later?