eating — Blog — Eat or Starve

We were invited to spend a weekend with some friends a few weeks ago. They have a great house on a quiet lake. It is a phenomenal location that reminds me of a place that children create movie-esque childhood memories. I was excited to be invited out and very nervous. The husband is vegan and his kids are rock-star eaters. My kids are, well, I started a blog about how hard it is to get them to eat.

The house is set up for awesome childhood memories.

I asked if I could bring some staples with us, you know, just in case. They said they already had everything planned out, we would have mac and cheese and hot dogs. Both things very kid friendly, both things M will not eat. But, to quote them, "Hey, what happened to Eat or Starve??" Well, it turns out that Eat or Starve is pretty damn exhausting so we do what we can which, honestly is not enough.

Everything was great until dinner. We had some delicious sweet potato, corn, black bean tacos. They tasted great, to everyone but my kids. L is such a sweet kid, she will do just about anything if she really needs to. She ate her taco with only minor coercion. L is a master of picking the battles she can win. M is younger and significantly more steadfast in her assertions. At one point I looked around the room and we had four people actively working to get M to eat three small pieces of sweet potato. There were tears, bribing, threatening, begging and finally ultimatums. It was completely and utterly ridiculous. I'm not really sure what was gained in the end. I went to bed questioning my qualifications for being a mother.

The thing is, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure we are doing what's best for M, or L for that matter. I'm not even sure where to look for confirmation we are doing the right things. Choices that shouldn't be controversial suddenly are. It doesn't even matter what you choose there are articles just waiting to show you that you're not only wrong, but actively harming your kids. From food to bug spray to vaccines to schools, there seem to be no right answers. I'd say you have to just trust your gut, but I honestly think a lot of times, you have to trust the decision you can live with in that moment, the decision you have the energy to make.

M ate a few things over the weekend she would not normally eat but I'm not sure I consider it a victory. I don't want there to be tears and yelling at every meal. I don't want to make eating stressful. I worked for too many years in clinics that treated amazing women and men with eating disorders. I want food to be easy and enjoyable. But, I also want my girls to be healthy, to grow to take in what their bodies need for fuel. I don't trust 3 and 5 year olds to make the best food choices, hell, left to my own devises, I don't make the best choices. I guess it boils down to the perpetual parenting asperation, hope that your kids turn out just a bit better than you did.

M, looking contemplative. She was having an internal debate about whether or not she should listen when we told her to stop feeding the dog fish food.