Life, Death & Bass Pro
We ventured out to Bass Pro a few months ago so my husband could pick up some necessities. L had been eating and sleeping like she was trying to put on weight for a boxing competition. Being that hungry, tired, and four makes you prone to some pretty intense emotions. The plan was to eat on the way, wow the girls with some awesome stuffed, aka taxidermy, animals and huge fish, and let them pass out on the drive home. It was going to be a great Friday night mostly because we were hoping to skip the entire bed time routine.
We arrived at Bass Pro without too much pain or suffering. There was some debate over whether or not one actually needed to eat their dinner before getting any type of snack and/or special treat that might be available at the store, but that was minor. What we had not planned for was the life and death conversations that could be triggered by all the various animals that are displayed at the store.
L: Mom, were those animals alive?
Me: Yes, those animals were alive at one point but now they are not. They can't hurt you or move (standing in front of a very large and menacing looking bear).
I will admit, I was completely misjudging the situation here and my answers were not helping.
L: Mom, are they dead?
Me: Yes, honey, they are dead.
L: Why are they dead? What happened to them? Who made them dead?
Me: (Oh no...) Well, people probably. When people go hunting, they hunt animals. Sometimes they use them for food, or blankets and other things.
L: People killed those adorable little animals! Mommy, what happens to their heart if they are dead?
Me: Your heart? Well, when you die it stops beating.
L: IT STOPS?? THEN WHAT HAPPENS??
Please note, we are standing in the middle of an aisle. I'm crouched down with a wiggly three year old on one leg while L has a 1/16 life crisis in front of everyone shopping. Tears, big ol' alligator tears, were welling up in her eyes as her mind starts connecting these dots.
Me: When your heart stops, you die sweetie.
L: (not missing a beat) When I DIE? I'M GOING TO DIE?
Me: (damn) Yes, we will all die at some point. That's what happens.
L: What happens when we die?
Me: (this conversation is not what I was planning on tonight) You know how you talk about Jesus and Heaven at school? When we die, if we've tried really hard to be good, we go to Heaven to live with Jesus.
L: Do animals go to Heaven?
Me: I think so sweetie.
L: What happens when we get to heaven?
Me: Well, you get to be an angel sweetie. Remember when we talked about guardian angels, you can be someone's guardian angel and help watch over them.
L: Mom... (panic rising), Mom... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE AN ANGEL! HOW DO YOU LEARN TO BE AN ANGEL??? WHO WILL TEACH ME???
Side note, I'm not attempting to enter into any type of moral or spiritual debate. My answers might not be 100% accurate but it was the best I could do, especially crouched down in an aisle at Bass Pro. We managed to work our way slowly out of the store without too many more tears, but I don't think we will be coming back any time soon.
Side note, the next weekend my husband left early on Saturday to go duck hunting. Having completely blocked out the entire Bass Pro experience, when L asked where daddy had gone I replied with the truth, "Daddy went duck hunting with your uncle." Wrong answer.
L: DADDY WENT TO KILL THE BEAUTIFUL DUCKS? WHY? DO WE HAVE TO EAT THEM?
Needless to say Daddy had some serious questions and skeptical looks waiting for him when he got home that night.
I'm adding this to the list of reasons I'm very grateful we were not born during earlier times. My kids and I are obviously not equipped to be survivalist or early settlers.