The Beach: Nature's Bathroom

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Family vacations tend to encompass the highs and lows both child and adult behavior. The sentence stays the same while the inflection changes considerably as the vacation progresses:

  • We have no schedule for FOUR DAYS!
  • We have NO SCHEDULE for four days.

The proper inflection for the first example is optimism, no schedule, no rushing, no artificial alarms waking you up, four days of relaxing and just doing what you feel like doing. The inflection is correct for an adult vacation, provided you are with the right adults.

The proper inflection for the second example is exasperation; you have small kids that have no schedule, no consistent sleep, too much sugar and not enough boundaries for FOUR DAYS. You start wondering if you can enroll them in a preschool in Mexico, just for a few days. Disclaimer, this could just be me; I need a schedule, I need boxes and rules and tasks to check off or I get a little wonky. It could also be my kids seeing as they are 1/2 me. Either way, its probably my fault.

We were having a perfectly delightful-ish time on the beach, making memories as L would say. This is adorable. I should admit this also was short-hand for saying we were making some plaster molds given to M by one of my husband's co-workers for her birthday that were called "Ocean Memories." We were making memories, but it crushed my spirit a bit when I realized L meant "Ocean Memories" not "Life Time, my Parent's are the Best" memories. We had poured the plaster over the shell fragments we had collected and were waiting for it set up so we could take them home and hang them up.

My husband decided to run up to the cafe and grab us some food while we were waiting; perfect idea. As soon as he was out of ear shot, M announced she needed to go potty. No cell phone, no sea side toilets, can't leave our memories as people keep almost stepping on them and, if I'm completely honest, there's probably zero chance we will get to a toilet before she goes. Joys of potty training. "Just go Sweetie" I whisper, "It's ok, just go." L looks at me in horror as she hears me. "DID YOU JUST TELL HER TO PEE ON THE BEACH?" she gasps, loudly. L is looking with disgust at M who is now unsure if she really is supposed to be peeing on the beach, but regardless, its too late. M starts to cry. L is incredulous, "MOM, M IS PEEING ON THE BEACH." I panic just a bit.

I look at L and calmly explain that lots of animals and other things probably go potty on the beach, birds, crabs, etc. L is still obviously disgusted with what has transpired. I continue with the nature lesson because I'm a complete idiot. "L, Sweetie, you remember what parrot fish look like?" "Yep, big pretty fish and their mouth looks like a beak." 

"Yep, that's exactly correct. Parrot fish have those big beaks because they like to eat coral. Guess what happens when parrot fish eat coral?" L is completely focused on this conversation, she loves learning about ocean stuff. "What?" she asked. "They poop sand," I say. The look on this kid's face. She looks at me, she looks at the beach, she looks at her feet covered in sand. "This is all POOP??? GROSS!" It went downhill from there. 

First, I admit this might not have been the best way to divert the conversation, but you can't argue with how effective it was. Second, and most importantly, its true. While I'm sure parrot fish don't account for all the sand on the planet, they do eat coral and they do poop sand. Its science. Scientific American has a great short video on the whole process. Turns out parrot fish might have created the Maldives and could save them from the rising ocean levels, who knew?

https://www.scientificamerican.com/video/parrot-fish-poop-makes-beautiful-beaches/

Look at all that poop, ahem, sand on the beach!

Look at all that poop, ahem, sand on the beach!

A short while later my husband returned with our food. Luckily the girls had moved on from our poop conversation and didn't mention anything about me traumatizing them. Actually, L announced that M had peed on the beach, but that is to be expected of a big sister. I just smiled and said I had a story to tell him later. I shudder to think of the stories L's preschool teacher hears.